The Shaft Is Gone

Today as I was walking down Swanston Street I saw that the Shaft Adult Cinema has closed. Perverts across Melbourne will be devastated to hear this news but I always wondered how Shaft could stay open with the availability of pornography on the net. Anyway, the reason that I am posting this is not to talk about porn, but to talk about what the Melbourne City Council should do with this cinema. Now I do know what the Melbourne City Council will do, they will get developers in to redevelop the site so that they can charge the next tenant as high a rent as possible, but I think that they could redevelop the site but retain it as a cinema, albeit one that does not show blue movies. I still think that a revival cinema showing old films would be a hit. Unfortunately the ACMI cinemas seem intent on showing only old films that are in foreign languages or are art house films, while the Astor shows a very small sample of classics mixed in with lame arsed newer films. I could see a cinema that could show classic films that could attract the baby boomers and cinema goers after lunch in the city. It could be a place where film students can catch Hollywood classics, or where children can see timeless masterpieces that weren’t designed with the sole purpose of selling toys. I don’t think that I’ve really articulated this well, as perhaps I am someone who thinks up ideas but finds it hard to explain it properly. Here’s a sample example of what a program could be…

  This is what I think could be a popular School Holiday Program with different movies to suit all sorts of kids.

	Mon	Tues	Wednes	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
1pm	Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs	Pinocchio	Fantasia	Dumbo	Bambi	Mickey & The Gang (A Collection of Disney Shorts)	Cinderella
4pm	The Adventures Of Robin Hood	The Nutty Professor (Jerry Lewis)	Jason And The Argonauts	Superman The Movie	ET	Best Of Bugs Bunny (A Collection Of Looney Tunes & Merry Melodies)	The Princess Bride
7pm	The Wizard Of Oz	Singin’ In The Rain	The Sound Of Music	The King And I	Mary Poppins	Grease	Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
				11pm	Psycho	The Third Man

 * The 11pm session does not have to show kid friendly films.

 There could also be various film festivals celebrating a different director, studio, actor or genre that I think could be popular.

 Alfred Hitchcock Film Festival

	Mon	Tues	Wednes	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
1pm	Rear Window	Blackmail	The Wrong Man	Rope	Rebecca	Foreign Correspondent	The Birds
4pm	Vertigo	The 39 Steps	North By North West	I Confess	Notorious	Lifeboat	To Catch A Thief
7pm	The Trouble With Harry	The Man Who Knew Too Much (1930s version)	The Man Who Knew Too Much (1950s version)	Stage Fright	Spellbound	Strangers On A Train	Dial M For Murder
				11pm	Psycho	Shadow Of A Doubt

 Walt Disney Film Festival

(This would be good for school holidays)

	Mon	Tues	Wednes	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
1pm	Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs	Dumbo	Bambi	Pinocchio	Cinderella	Mickey & The Gang (A Collection of Disney Shorts)	Best Of The Silly Symphonies (A Collection of Disney Shorts)
4pm	Davey Crockett (Part 1)	Davey Crockett (Part 2)	The Best Of Zorro	The Best Of The Mickey Mouse Club	Sleeping Beauty	Alice In Wonderland	Peter Pan
7pm	The Jungle Book	Mary Poppins	The Living Desert	Vanishing Prairie	Mysteries of the Deep	Treasure Island	20,000 Leagues Under The Sea
				11pm	Song Of The South	Fantasia

 

• Song Of The South – but only if Disney and Buena Vista allows it. (Of course there are very few African Americans living in Australia who could find it offensive!) There would be an introduction prior to the screening explaining the controversy surrounding the film. As the film in a modern context is not really suitable for children, this is why it would be shown in such a late time slot!

 The Monster Movie Festival (This would be good for October in the run up to Halloween)

	Mon	Tues	Wednes	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
1pm	Frankenstein	Dracula	The Invisible Man	Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein	The Creature From The Black Lagoon	King Kong	The Creature From The Black Lagoon
4pm	Bride Of Frankenstein	The Mummy	The Invisible Man Returns	The Raven	Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man	House of Frankenstein	Werewolf Of London
7pm	Son Of Frankenstein	The Mummy’s Tomb	Murders in the Rue Morgue	House Of Wax	The Phantom Of The Opera (Lon Chaney Version)	House of Dracula	The Wolf Man
				11pm	The Hunchback Of Notre Dame	Freaks

 

• This was originally to be a Universal Monsters only festival, but there are perhaps too many classic monsters that are also deserving of a spot!

  I reckon this would be a fun thing to do, but also a lot of hard work. Unfortunately the only cinemas in Melbourne that show classic films are the ACMI and Astor cinemas and they don’t really have that great a variety of films and tend to look mostly to the more arty ones, rather than popular.