Shyness

I’ll admit it. I am quite shy. I am a very introverted person who tends to keep my thoughts and opinions largely to myself. I do not mean to be rude or whatever when I am being quite, I am probably just not sure what to say. I spend a lot of my time worrying about whether what I have to say is going to either make me look stupid, or offend somebody. As a result, I tend to say very little, but when I do say something, the words are usually very carefully chosen. I tend to be very introspective and spend a lot of time worrying about how others perceive me. It can take me a very long time to warm up to somebody to the point where I am comfortable enough to speak freely without fear that I am going to be judged by what I say.

Some people may believe that I am being rude or arrogant by being quite, but I am not. Extroverted people who make this judgement usually see the world through extroverted eyes and don’t understand that not everybody is outspoken and confident like they are. They tend to spend their time judging everyone else, whilst introverted people tend spend their time judging themselves.

Sometimes I think that being shy is quite constricting. I hate making phone calls and dread the sound of the telephone ringing. I also hate meeting new people or even having to speak with people that I don’t really know very well. I am sort of able to fake being confident but it does take a lot of effort and can be very exhausting. It takes a lot of effort and is difficult for someone who is as self conscious as I am to do.

In all there are only a handful of people that I feel truly comfortable and confident with. They are my family and my partner and one or two other very close friends. Sometimes this can make me very depressed and I hate the fact that I cannot be outgoing and self confident all of the time.

More frustration

Sometimes you just can’t win. Other people mess up yet you’re the one who gets into trouble. I am getting really depressed as well as frustrated, yet what can you do if you are not the favoured one who everyone just adores?! If the favoured one messes up then it’s everyone else who gets the blame, as the favoured one can do no wrong. I do not understand this but this is what happens. It makes me sick but what can I do.

Someone else stuffed up and it affected the way that I had to do my work. I was compromised but I did things to the best of my ability, yet because it was the favoured person, I am the one who gets all the shit dumped onto me. Instead of having someone apologise for their mistake, I have to bear the brunt of everything. It’s not enough that I was put out by someone elses gaffe, but I then am the one who should have expected them to stuff up and work around it. No consideration is taken into account of all the other stuff that I had to do. Then again it seems people never want to give you praise, just shit, unless of course you are the favoured one.

Why I Am Shy

The other day I wrote about my shyness and why I keep things close to my chest. The reason of course is so that people cannot spread rumours about me and take things that I have said and twist them around. Unfortunately I let my guard down and this is what has happened. It just goes to show that you cannot trust anybody these days. I don’t know what this person gains from repeating stuff that I thought was confidential to other people, other than to stir up shit. It really frustrates and annoys me. In the future I’ll certainly be more careful with what I have to say and to whom I say it to. You just can’t tell who is going to betray your trust.